Archive for the 'Sex' Category

Babeland Erotica Contest Winners

December 31, 2006 | Literature, Sex

The Babeland blog has announced their final winner in the erotica contest they ran. I’m a bit disappointed to see that it went to someone who is semi-professional: Alicia Wag has been published in Clean Sheets, Best Women’s Erotica, and more. That’s part of why I didn’t participate in the contest - I felt I didn’t have the writing chops to do it. The story is heterosexual but it’s not bad…just a reminder that Babeland is not an exclusively lesbian operation, as much as I like to fantasize that it is! They are women positive. If you’d like to check out some recommended Babeland toys, visit the sex toys section of CyDyBlog! Through New Year’s Day only you can get 25% off!

Buzz Buzz

December 21, 2006 | Sex

The device pictured above is the iBuzz Two, the world’s best music-activated sex toy, which I found via Babeland. They show it with a Shuffle, but I’d be using it with the 80GB video iPod I just got! In addition to the two bullets pulsing to the music, it also has two headphone jacks so you can listen while you’re buzzing. Cool!

Also from Babeland is this funny post: Alternative Uses for Sex Toys - a chandelier made out of what?!

Buck Angel

November 27, 2006 | Cool Links, Sex

You may have noticed a new button in the “Partners” section a couple of days ago. That’s the button for Buck Angel’s website, Transexual-Man.com. Buck is the best-known FTM pornstar currently on the web - he’s even been on Howard Stern. Yes, CyDy Blog and Cyber Dyke are sites for lesbians - but I think there might be some women out there who, like me, enjoy trans porn. Buck bills himself as “a real man with a real pussy,” and as his Wikipedia entry says, he’s not ashamed of his female genitalia. It’s refreshing to see that kind of honesty in the trans community - I have trans friends who have destroyed all former ID cards, etc. because they didn’t want to remember who they were before their transition. But Buck freely acknowledges that he used to be a woman, and he’s willing to share his uniqueness with the world. Like many porn sites, the ultimate purpose is money, but he also has the Buck Angel Blog if you want to learn more about him.

Definitely check out Buck Angel if you have the chance - it’s an educational and entertaining experience. And I have to say it - woof!

Share the Love

November 26, 2006 | Sex

Babeland is having a Share the Love contest to win free toys. You can choose from a list of five products, ranging in value from $32 to $290, and you e-mail Babeland to tell them why your partner deserves that product this holiday season. And if nothing appeals from that list, check out the CyDy Blog Toy Shop for other gift ideas!

What Makes a Lesbian?

November 17, 2006 | Pop Culture, Sex

Originally published in Dykewrite, 6 January 2004

My local hometown paper just happens to be the internationally-known Washington Post, which is recognized as a quality newspaper of a rather liberal persuasion. While browsing through this past Sunday’s issue, I turned to the Style section and was confronted with a large headline:

Partway Gay?
For Some Teen Girls, Sexual Preference Is A Shifting Concept

Obviously, this caught my attention immediately. I’d just been reading [Dykewrite’s] forum thread on bisexuality, and last February I wrote a journal entry on the concept of lesbians becoming bisexual. So I read the Post article, by Laura Sessions Stepp, with keen interest.

Keeping in mind that I am a firm believer in the fluidity of human sexuality, I’d like to explore the possibility that lesbians are a dying breed. With the rise of hasbians, LUGs, lesbisexuals, and heteroflexibility, it seems anyone can be a lesbian - even if they’re not lesbians in the traditional sense of the word. According to the article, the word itself is being redefined to include any female who has remotely sexual contact with another female. The article says “[these] girls pack Ani DiFranco concerts and know tATu lyrics by heart.” First of all, Ani DiFranco is bisexual herself - and the girls of tATu aren’t even gay, although they like to pretend for the sake of male fantasy. Which is another thing the article mentions - apparently some girls at high schools in the Washington, DC area make out with each other and sell tickets to boys! It’s obviously cool to have same-sex contact these days, although only for girls - the article does mention that boys don’t practice these experimental activities nearly as much as girls do.

“Experimental” is the key word. I suspect that the vast majority of these girls, once they grow a little older, will fall into traditional heterosexual relationships not because they love women less, but because it’s what society expects them to do. Supposedly these girls are flaunting society, claiming they don’t have to follow societal rules, that society’s vision of sexuality doesn’t apply to them. To that I say: bullshit. Right now, it’s cool to be lesbian. (Being bisexual is hip too, but it’s better if you show off the girl-on-girl action.) I think the major difference between these girls and how I usually define “lesbian” is political. Gays and lesbians continue to face discrimination, abuse, and trauma in the United States just for being who they are. These girls are unaffected by this (with the possible exception of Stephanie Haaser) because they are lucky enough to live in an area where they can express themselves freely. And although the article doesn’t mention butch/femme issues, I suspect the majority of these girls are femme - simply because butch lesbians are easier to identify and therefore discriminate against. (Cary Trainor, a college sophomore quoted in the Post article, is pictured in the print edition and fits a traditional butch look; also pictured are Chandra Harris, who looks more femme, and Chloe Root, who has a sort of androfemme look.)

Maybe in ten years, when these girls are old enough to get married and settle down, gay marriage will be legal in the United States and marrying a man will no longer be the “safe” choice. If that happens, these high school girls will be free to continue their current sexual expression. But as long as they’re expressing the view that sexual orientation doesn’t matter, they probably won’t be part of the gay and lesbian community and can’t serve us in political causes. Self-identifying as lesbian or bisexual may not be enough, and telling people (or showing them for $10) may not be enough. Solidarity is essential to the continuation of the lesbian community.

Lesbian Sexuality 101

November 6, 2006 | Sex

Originally published in Dykewrite, 4 December 2003

I was all set to write about “lesbian bed death” again (in more detail than last time), but then I got the latest copy of On Our Backs in the mail. There was plenty of inspiration there - a how-to on choosing a sex toy, a scene report about genitorture, an all-dyke roundtable discussion about dating bisexual women, and the usual genderfucking OOB always features. (Interestingly, the androgynous drag king spread was headed “Hot Femme Fags” - but I’ll discuss butch/femme/genderfuck in another article.) I came to realize that the trouble was now I had too much to write about! In keeping with the relaunch of Dykewrite, I’ll bring my sexuality articles back to basics and start with a broader overview of lesbian sexuality and the things two (or more) women can do in bed (or on the kitchen counter, or wherever!).

Back in the 1970s, the politically correct way to have lesbian sex was often cunnilingus. There might be some clit-rubbing involved, but penetration was seen by some as mimicking heterosexual intercourse, and there was a strong drive to get away from that. While plenty of dykes continued to have a great time fingerbanging, strap-ons were an even greater no-no (although of course many women used them anyway). These days, we’ve come to realize that lesbian sexuality can be expressed in a grand variety of ways, some seeming to resemble het sex and some utterly different. But just because lesbians do a lot of the same things between the sheets that straight people do does not mean we are in any way mimicking them - especially not out of a secret desire to be straight! A girl doesn’t want her to fuck her with a dildo because she secretly desires a penis, but rather because she likes it.

There are a few sex acts that are usually limited to lesbians, tribadism being one of them. Although some sources claim tribadism is simulating intercourse, it’s really just a pleasurable intersection of thighs and vulvas. (I’ve heard people claim that only clit-to-clit touching is tribadism, but that’s such an ungainly position that I prefer to define it in a more accessible way.) It also seems that same-sex sixty-nine is more common than the male-female kind, although I don’t have any numbers on this - in any case, though, many people feel that oral sex is better when performed by somebody who has the same parts and knows just what to do to them.

There are a lot of other activities two chicks can share, generally ascending the scale of kink. Everything from backdoor sex to temporary infibulation is available to lesbian couples, along with a whole lot of things in between. There’s no reason for women to become bored with or shy about having sex - the possibilities are endless for variety. Whether a woman is seeking one night stands, enjoying serial monogamy, or in a committed long term relationship, anything goes.

While I’ll be covering more specific topics in the future, I also welcome any questions related to lesbian (and bi) sexuality and would be happy to address them on Dykewrite or in private conversation.

(Please note that Dykewrite is now defunct but you may view partial past issues courtesy Archive.org.)

Whorecraft

October 3, 2006 | Cool Links, Sex

I love this site! I just came across Whorecraft, which is pornography targeted to geeks. Or, in their own words: “Whorecraft is specifically targeted to anyone who’s ever imagined their fantasy world characters coming to life in a sexual way.” The first episode is 11 minutes long, so for now they’re targeting a good middle-length video. (If you like longer videos, there are lots at Cyber Dyke, the parent of Cyber Dyke Blog.) The Whorecraft downloads are eternal - that is, they won’t expire - and episode one is $7.95.

For the record, Whorecraft appears to be semi-hardcore heterosexual action. I’m featuring it on CyDyBlog because I am a geek myself, and because they have some very attractive women on the front page. Well worth a look!

Ph-what?

September 14, 2006 | Sex

One of the other CyDy staffers sent me a link to a Babeland blog article about phthalates being banned in sex toys. Supposedly this is all over the news, though I haven’t heard a word of it - clearly I need to edit the custom fields in my personalized Google News page!

I’m not sure there’s a whole lot to get one’s panties in a bunch over just yet. Apparently there’s no actual ban - environmental group Greenpeace has asked the European union to ban sex toys containing phthalates. Additionally, a Danish research group discovered that women who are pregnant or breastfeeding should not use phthalate-containing sex toys for more than an hour a day.

So what does this mean for us? Well, if you’re in the U.S., not much of anything, since Greenpeace is talking to the EU here. If you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding, you’re probably okay to use a rubber toy more than an hour a day, although it may cause skin irritation according to Babeland. But really, silicone is best anyway, so if you get toys that are entirely silicone (and not silicone-rubber, since the rubber is what contains the phthalates) you should be fine.

By the way - if you are wondering, like I was, what the heck is a phthalate and how do I say that word? - check out the definition and pronunciation here. Does anybody else think it sounds like the nice lady is saying fellate?!

Casting Call: Lesbian Sex and Sexuality

August 23, 2006 | Pop Culture, Sex

A new show is being created at the here! TV network, one of the top two gay channels. (I only get Logo, so I can’t really tell you much about here! at all.) It’s going to be about lesbian sex and sexuality, and it’s produced by filmmaker Katherine Linton, who is also a sometime-host of In the Life. According to the casting call, the show is going to looking for:

* Dynamic lesbians, queer, and/or transmen and bois in polyamorous or open relationships. People comfortable discussing their relationships, feelings and experiences on camera, and willing to allow crew to document their daily lives.

* Lesbian and/or queer female couples unfamiliar with sex toys interested in exploring. Must be comfortable discussing their relationship and sex life on camera, and willing to allow a camera crew to videotape them on a visit to a sex toy store.

Information on participating is at the bottom of that casting call link. Let me know if you sign up!

Strap-On Advice

June 21, 2006 | Sex

I get asked for sex toy advice pretty often…go figure, I have a ton of them! Here’s the advice I usually give…

Blowfish and Good Vibrations - are excellent places to shop. Another favorite of mine is Toys in Babeland (now just called Babeland). It’s important to remember that you’re not buying “a strap-on dildo” as such, you’re actually buying a dildo and a harness to put it in. They’re generally two separate products.

The harness I recommend the most is the Texas 2-Strap (my wife and I each have one so we don’t have to adjust the straps so much) and the Terra Firma (also available in nylon) is a close second. These are often hard to manipulate if the wearer is pretty large, though, so I usually mention the Crown Harness as well because it’s designed for bigger bodies. All of these have straps that go around each leg, which I prefer because they’re more secure. If you want one that’s just got one strap (thong-style) go with the Thriller G. By the way, I don’t like synthetic (nylon) fabrics for harnesses. Backpack straps are also made out of nylon, and that’s what these sound like…the one time I used a synthetic harness, I couldn’t stop laughing because it sounded like a backpack bouncing along.

Dildos are hard to recommend because everybody wants something different…and so there are hundreds (if not thousands) of styles. Look through babeland.com, goodvibes.com, and blowfish.com for something you like. If you want a double dildo, I can’t recommend the Nexus (and its smaller cousin, Nexus Jr.) enough: they are designed to feel good for the person wearing the harness, too (most boomerang-style doubles just feel like they’re going to fall out). Just make sure that if you get a double, you get a harness that has the hole all the way through. I also recommend silicone over other materials: it’s safer, easier to clean, lasts longer, holds heat…there are a lot of reasons to use silicone dildos! (Price, unfortunately, is not one of them, but they’re worth the extra expense.)

So take a look around and pick out something you like. If all else fails, get a “kit” - the Bend Over Beginner set comes with everything you need.