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Lesbian Sexuality 101
Posted by Meredith on Oct 6, 2004 at 03:01AM in Sex - permalink

This piece was originally published for the online zine DykeWrite on December 4, 2003. Comments are welcome.

I was all set to write about "lesbian bed death" again (in more detail than last time), but then I got the latest copy of On Our Backs in the mail. There was plenty of inspiration there - a how-to on choosing a sex toy, a scene report about genitorture, an all-dyke roundtable discussion about dating bisexual women, and the usual genderfucking OOB always features. (Interestingly, the androgynous drag king spread was headed "Hot Femme Fags" - but I'll discuss butch/femme/genderfuck in another article.) I came to realize that the trouble was now I had too much to write about! In keeping with the relaunch of Dykewrite, I'll bring my sexuality articles back to basics and start with a broader overview of lesbian sexuality and the things two (or more) women can do in bed (or on the kitchen counter, or wherever!).

In keeping with the relaunch of Dykewrite, I'll bring my sexuality articles back to basics and start with a broader overview of lesbian sexuality and the things two (or more) women can do in bed (or on the kitchen counter, or wherever!).

Back in the 1970s, the politically correct way to have lesbian sex was often cunnilingus. There might be some clit-rubbing involved, but penetration was seen by some as mimicking heterosexual intercourse, and there was a strong drive to get away from that. While plenty of dykes continued to have a great time fingerbanging, strap-ons were an even greater no-no (although of course many women used them anyway). These days, we've come to realize that lesbian sexuality can be expressed in a grand variety of ways, some seeming to resemble het sex and some utterly different. But just because lesbians do a lot of the same things between the sheets that straight people do does not mean we are in any way mimicking them - especially not out of a secret desire to be straight! A girl doesn't want her to fuck her with a dildo because she secretly desires a penis, but rather because she likes it.

There are a few sex acts that are usually limited to lesbians, tribadism being one of them. Although some sources claim tribadism is simulating intercourse, it's really just a pleasurable intersection of thighs and vulvas. (I've heard people claim that only clit-to-clit touching is tribadism, but that's such an ungainly position that I prefer to define it in a more accessible way.) It also seems that same-sex sixty-nine is more common than the male-female kind, although I don't have any numbers on this - in any case, though, many people feel that oral sex is better when performed by somebody who has the same parts and knows just what to do to them.

There are a lot of other activities two chicks can share, generally ascending the scale of kink. Everything from backdoor sex to temporary infibulation is available to lesbian couples, along with a whole lot of things in between. There's no reason for women to become bored with or shy about having sex - the possibilities are endless for variety. Whether a woman is seeking one night stands, enjoying serial monogamy, or in a committed long term relationship, anything goes.

While I'll be covering more specific topics in the future, I also welcome any questions related to lesbian (and bi) sexuality and would be happy to address them on Dykewrite or in private conversation.