Happy National Coming Out Day!
October 11, 2009 | 
Pop Culture
As I’ve mentioned in this blog previously, I kind of fail at queer, and I never really came out. I recently realized that nobody on earth believes that I’m straight no matter how much I try to lie about it. When I try to convince people that I’m straight they ask if I’m bi. Either I’m a bad liar or I’m really flaming. I kind of wonder how long this has been going on. I really wonder if my family has picked up on any of this, because I’m really not out to them.
I really go back and forth about Pride and coming out. I understand that we need to stand and be counted, but at the same time I don’t really want my personal identity to be so dependent on this one label. I just have too many other identities that are just as important as being queer. Since queerness and gay identity is still so tangled with queer sex, I don’t really want random strangers on the bus or at the day job to be thinking about me having queer sex, and how do lesbians do it. I know that might sound strange coming from someone who runs a network of real dyke porn sites and has had sex on camera many times, but I like keeping my sexual practices separate from the bus ride across town. I do have a very distinct sense of propriety and the proper time and place for these things. But really it would be nice if people didn’t automatically think about sexual practices if they read any woman as a lesbian while she’s browsing in the library.
I know that things in San Francisco are different from many other places in the US, and the fights and struggles for acceptance are still very real. I might be a freak and a pervert, but many queers are just normal people with ordinary jobs trying to live out the ordinary life with kids and cats and a garden. Of course there are plenty of gay folks on the fringes because for many people being gay is almost like being an outlaw. In fact when you consider all the places that still have laws against gay sex acts, preventing same sex couples from adopting children or marrying, and places that don’t uphold laws against homophobic hate crime, being gay can make you can outlaw. I don’t mind being an outlaw, but I’m not most people. I’m gay but I’m also a freak, so don’t look at me to be an example of a typical lesbian on National Coming Out Day. Queers are just like you and everyone else and want to be able to fit in and lead a normal life. Don’t mind us queer 1%ers.
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December 19th, 2009 at 8:43 pm