| Permalink Archive for June, 2008
I Fail at Lesbian
June 8, 2008 | 
Uncategorized
I’ve never felt like I fit in with lesbian or queer communities. Every now and then I try again, and it just doesn’t click. It all started in high school when I didn’t come out.
I ended up at a “residential high school” or boarding school, and was very far away from my family and small rural hometown. The other students at the school were very diverse, and there was a small group of gay and lesbian students. Many of them were not out to their families or the teachers, but all the students knew what was going on. I thought that maybe this would be a good opportunity for me to explore my sexual orientation away from the judgmental environment I grew up in. However, I didn’t really fit in with the gay and lesbian crowd. In fact I didn’t really like them at all. The gossip about sexual behavior was disgusting. There were some very dramatic and flamboyant personalities that I didn’t get along with. I didn’t want to hug these people. I didn’t want to sit with them at meals. I didn’t want to join their club. I didn’t want them to know that I was a lesbian too. I didn’t come out because I didn’t really want to be involved with the gay and lesbian students. I learned in my senior year that I had been voted, “most likely to come out” in my junior year. I was disturbed that they were talking about me and wanted me to come out.
There were some quietly bi women that weren’t really involved and were much more agreeable to me. They were much quieter about their romantic involvement with other women, but spoke openly about relationships with men. Since I wasn’t out and I wasn’t dating women I spent time with this group. In my senior year I had a very discreet girlfriend that maybe one or two people knew about. It was nice, and I still didn’t come out.
Things haven’t changed much since then. I’m not specifically hiding, but I also don’t advertise. I seem to come up on everyone’s gaydar anyway. I don’t date much because I don’t know many women that are interested in dating women. I have a few lesbian and bisexual female friends. Every now and then I go to women’s or queer events, when I get lonely. My contact never seems to last long because I feel like I just don’t fit. Being Pride month, there are a lot of events and people come out from under their rocks to participate. I’m coming out from under my rock too. I’m hoping I’ll have better luck connecting this time.
Felice Newman is looking for female couples
June 4, 2008 | Literature
Reposted from email
“Lesbian, Bisexual & Queer Women Couples:
Have you been together for 5+ years?
Do you enjoy a satisfying sex life?
I’d like to hear from you: What makes your sexual relationship work?
Will you help me research a new sex guide for lesbian couples?
I am conducting confidential interviews (via telephone) with couples who enjoy a satisfying sexual relationship. I am interested in exploring the ways we “grow” our sexual partnerships.
I want to know what makes your sexual relationship work. How do you sustain erotic interest over the years? How do you face the sexual challenges that inevitably arise in a long-term relationship? How has your coupled sexuality evolved? How does your partnership support your sexual growth and pleasure? In short, what are the payoffs of an ongoing sexual relationship?
I want to hear from couples who have been together 5+ years, and who feel their sexual relationship “works” — however you would define that. (Even if you wouldn’t say you have the perfect sex life, if you are generally fulfilled in your sexual relationship, I want to hear from you.)
The Whole Lesbian Sex Book has informed, supported, and entertained many thousands of women in the nearly 10 years since it was published. Now I’m turning my attention to couples. As a somatic coach and sex educator, I help many couples who are quite unsatisfied with their sex lives. I’m doing this research so that I can better help them—and, of course, the many couples who will read the book.
There will be a reciprocal aspect to these interviews. In our telephone conversation, you’ll have an opportunity to ask me questions, too.
All interviews will be strictly confidential, and interviewees will be quoted anonymously in my book.
Thanks so much!
Best wishes,
Felice Newman
www.felicenewman.com
Whether you identify as lesbian, bisexual, or queer; butch, femme or androgynous; polyamorous, monogamous; adventurous, sensual, kinky; boi, MTF, butch-in-transition, transmen, partner of an FTMs and MTFs, intersex, traditionally gendered or transgendered; sexually experienced or new to sexual exploration, I want to hear from you!
Felice Newman is a sex educator and Somatic Coach certified by the Strozzi Institute. She is the author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us (Cleis Press), and a founding co-publisher of Cleis Press. Felice has appeared on Dr. Drew’s Love Line, Derek & Romaine Show, and other radio programs, and has spoken to audiences on sexuality in many cities. She has been the resident sex coach on ClassicDykes.com and has offered sex advice on About.com and LesbiaNation.com. She lives with her partner in the San Francisco Bay Area where she coaches individuals and couples. She is a member of The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS).”
